The first time I ever did a full led primary, I can’t say I enjoyed it. Alas, I was proficient at that point up to navasana but admittedly the next few asana fell in the you’ve got to be kidding me category. I mean seriously, my legs and arms just balked at the places they were supposed to end up and I think I may have had tears in my eyes at my feeble attempt at suptakormasana, which in turn made me angry with myself for even having an ego about it at all. I didn’t yet own yoga clothes and practiced mostly in my pajama bottoms and a tank top. I also thought lululemon was pronounced lulumon…my daughters still make fun of me for that one. I was a rebel without a clue. My research had been about philosophy versus spandex. ( I still have my favorite rainbow striped pants that I break out for home practice some days when I really need it:)) I can openly say if someone told me the next sentence would be truths at some future point, I would not have believed them. I not only love led primary but as well, went through a morning process when I switched over to a daily intermediate practice. In all honesty, to the point I could have sabotaged any further progress and reverted back.
Time and dedication change many things. Those next few poses in primary have become enjoyable places of stillness. I still am waiting to enjoy kapotasana, I respect it, I’m stabile in it and do it as part of my daily, but the love hasn’t fully developed yet..I still hoping for it! A sense of humor helps. I can even breathe well in it about half the time, and I’m finally past the hump of all the leg behind the head asana messing with my backbend…Yet, led day of primary has everything I covet about practice, it’s dynamic, sweaty, intense, yet soul soothing and such a profound meditative movement, at least when my mind cooperates! This piece is what I’m hoping to regain in intermediate series if my body and mind allow it.
The fluidity of the asana becomes ingrained to allow surrender to where ever I am. Letting go of trying for more breaths, deeper bends, a tighter bind, or confident balance and just finding the tipping point past effort to experiencing calm and ease. Yes it exists in some places. Even in my most challenging asana, on some days during intermediate it exists, and in that I know, it can eventually become the norm instead of the occasional experience but alas not yet, just like that first led primary.